November 20, 2012
It’s my first post since I got back to Malaysia. Been spending a lot of time at home with my family, running errands and just chilling. I’m just so glad to be home but I feel like I’m in such a mess at the moment. I can’t help but feel trapped. I want to say so many things but I can’t. I don’t know how to express these emotions anymore. I spent the entire day just sleeping it off. Tried reaching out earlier tonight but I choked my way through it. Maybe I’m just losing grip. Maybe a part of me is trying to have it out but fear is eating me up. And I can’t help but to feel like I’m just trying to not crack and fall apart.
I need to start being honest about how I truly feel.I can run but I can’t hide forever.Maybe feeling hopeless can be empowering at some point.I deeply regret some decisions that I’ve made in the past, and maybe it’s too late to fix something so broken.What keeps me going? I strongly believe that someone out there is waiting to love makes it all possible.No more being in denial. If you’re capable of putting a smile of my face without even trying, you’re it. So please don’t deny me.
Maybe being alone is what I really need.