12 |
You’ll Never Understand. |
July 12, 2010 |
I am feeling fucking disconnected,period.
I’m done parking things aside & I honestly feel like I’m hitting a new low.
Sorry if this saddens your day because I’ve tried very hard to not write anything depressing that falls along the line of being emotional but I think I’m hot wired that way. This is one of the many points in my life where I feel extremely confused about what I want, what I need & what I care about because I feel as if this one huge chunk of me has been dedicated to feed the things that I need to do. Feeling so deprived of just wanting things; I think I’m back to the whole isolating how I really feel mode.
I suck balls when it comes to being dishonest, it leaves me feeling like crap & here I am confessing that I’m not feeling fantastic. Optimism is something which you teach yourself over time,especially for anyone who’s been through hell; you’d either raise up to the occasion to be a winner or you just drown deeper & eventually disappear off route. Sometimes I do ask myself, if being positive about the outcome of all your decisions will allow the law of attraction to follow; in result of things going your way.
Being optimistic maybe powerful; but sometimes you might end up isolating reality.
Its crazy sometimes when I think about how upset I get when my father tells me off over the tiniest things; like why didn’t you wind up the curtain, and like a slap in the face in said, so irresponsible. For example in this situation, its just one of those situations which it probably slip off your mind, you forget and you get so upset when all it takes is just one wrong to vanish everything right. I’ve spent the past couple of years making up to you daddy; whether the steps of prevention to not disobey you because I feel that I owe it all to you; then as things get better gradually year after year, you slam one repetitive sentence saying You’ll Never Change.
Perhaps this is just one of the weakness which most parents share,since there aren’t exactly books to educate them how to be the perfect parent because every parent is catered to a different individual altogether,right? At least that’s what I tell myself when he drops me a bomb unnecessarily. 
I love my father,I think he’s an amazing man; but I get so upset at times when it seems like the closest person to you doesn’t know you enough. Or rather,they refuse to look beyond surface level.
Last night at cousin Lester‘s 21st Birthday; picture with cousins.
I do recall telling myself this year,that this times its gonna be for me; all my decisions are made on my own & I wanted to just stop doing things for the sake of someone else. Its still an everyday struggle when I want to do things in such a way which sometimes contradicts with how my dad would want it. Different is not equivalent to bad. I’d rather make my own mistakes, fall a thousand times than miss out from the whole make a mistake & learn from it process.
Why fear making mistakes?
Ever thought about making them to know whats best?
I’m not saying that we should strive to do more wrongs than right; but sometimes I wish deep down within people would realize that some mistakes are necessary.
Don’t take me for granted.
Related posts:
Humans do learn from mistakes.
The more shit we eat, the more we know that shit is stink.
This is why, I do not fear to eat shit nowadays…
Anyway, need not prove anything to your dad.
Just be who you wanted to be, thats all.
Time will change his point of view about how you behave.
There is a saying in Chinese: ” If parents grow their child to 100 years old,they will have to worry for 99 years.”
I believe parents always do everything that good for their children and we as children should never doubt about that. Anyway,I said “good”,we children can sometimes have better one. The problem is how we communicate with our parents and convince them.
I can feel that you actually love your dad so much from you being upset when he doubt about your decisions and actions. So,dont give up communicate with him or keep reminding that he is not understanding you. I believe when you think about he is not understanding you,he maybe also thinking you are not understanding him.
Try to imagine if you have a daughter and think from your dad’s point of view,I believe you can better communicate with him and convince him to let you grow up yourself.
Good Luck. =)
i understand ur feeling now, sumtimes i do feel the same, but cheer up gal. i like tis post, so real fr u. keep it up.
Doing things for someone else is hard sometimes… but things doesn’t goes as what u plan where is for someone else… thinks doesn’t need to be so hard for yourself… I was the same as you… Don’t bother what people think of you… when you feel is right… just do it because is for yourself….
I’ve been the through the same thing as you for the pass 3 years, keep on doing something for people and the person who cares the most… but end up the things we get is always not a good ending… this is why nowadays I do things is do it for yourself not for other people….sometimes is good to do something for someone else… depends on condition…. but bare in mind… is your own life where you need to make your own judgement most of the time….
anyway try not to go to harsh own yourself in times…. being too harsh also will end up not getting anything… go with the flow…. take care my friend.. hugs*
I understand you!!! It’s hard sometimes to relate with parents. They always take us for granted and are expecting something from us. They love us, but when we grow, they don’t understand we are adult!! They think we have to do everything they like. But that’s not right: we should only be ourselves and be free to be that.
It’s hard at the beginning, but don’t give up: it’s YOUR LIFE!
They gave you life, but that doesn’t mean you should do what they want!! You are a FREE PERSON!! You’re an adult now!
As I was saying, it’s hard at the beginning, but after they will get used to your “freedom”.
This doesn’t mean you’ll not be there if they really need you, of course! But you should live your life as you prefer, and NOBODY can say anything to you for that!!
Well, hope you’ll understand, because it was not simple write this in English!!
Hugs!