26 |
Thursday June 26, 2008 |
June 26, 2008 |
She’s finally speaking
for every minutes’ worth the time.
p/s: long post (:
After one whole week of feeling awful & all over the place, i’m finally glad to say that I am okay. I am feeling inspired and its as if i’ve woken up from a very very bad dream. I can’t even finish a sentence everytime i speak,i end up switching topics during conversations, and hence you may conclude that my mind is indeed going through a whirlwind. 
I was barely feeling myself,felt so numb and confused; its as if somebody had just sucked the juice out of me,leaving me all dry & cracking up. Shit happens all the time,that i know but never have felt this emotionless & disconnected from myself.
Thats a fucking scary feeling okay.
I can’t even finish one bloody sentence,before going errrrrm where was I again?
I was literally all over the place, my ass was up on my head and vice versa wtf that was how serious it was. I guess i had been keeping too many things to myself for far too long. You and I both know that there’s absolutely no point in keeping problems,dilemmas & dissatisfactions to yourself. Its never healthy,and guess what it did to me. So from now on,even if somethings that i write here might bloody offend you in every aspect and get me into trouble for all i care, so be it. I can’t be avoiding myself,and i think its time to live up to the real deal. 
i am sick of dishonesty.
I got so sick of blogging that i felt like deleting this bloody website and quit writing.I can’t even put it down into words on how much i despise that self-centered bitch who has never stopped looking at anyone else but herself, is the blogosphere turning into some platform of sarcasm,indirect bitching & to hell with the whole “go figure if i’m writing about you” crap. 
oh lets not get down to that.
I received a private message via Xanga.
I know how rude and offensive it may be to just copy and paste the message here,so i’m just gonna write it up from a different angle. It stated that i’m frustrated at times and tend to be impatient; i needed someone to tell me this so badly,and thankfully he did it. Pushing myself ahead of time itself for the past couple of months has driven me crazy, and the sudden long holidays suddenly left me with no room for that frustrating feeling and impatience.
spent with friends, family and/or lovers.
Life is not a dress rehersal and each moment counts.
locked up and kept in the past.”
i love architecture,but i have other passions too.
i love blogging,but i can’t go full-fledged being too afraid that i get sucked into it.
i love photography,then goes my time for Alvin and money for shopping wtf.
do you finally see the problem, these different directions is driving my cuckoo for real.
once again,the awesome reader’s message woke me up! 
what happened in the past,is finally kept in the past. Many still thinks that i still hold grudge towards whoever i’ve crossed path with in my younger years then in high school. Since honesty is so important in this post, frankly i am pretty over it and hating gets tiring. I know i use to write up on how much i hated the fact about Kwan Yee, and my apparent bitchings which might have given you the wrong impression about her; and as my undying interest when it comes to speaking about Colin and blablabla might have earned me one hand full of followers reading daily wtf (yes trust me i know who you are). I thought getting even was the utmost important thing at one point in my life, thats honesty. I was wrong.
I was so angry then, till sometime during the holidays when i met Colin and gosh you have no idea how much i wanted to just walk over and tell him how fucking sorry i was. Its the thought that counts,that thought itself has set me free from the two years of hatred & misunderstandings. I can’t be honest to him,to her or to the rest of you knowing that when reality checks in, nobody gives two shits about stuffs like this anymore. I am feeling good about myself finally,knowing that all is well now.
And as to the self-centered queen, you were someone i looked up to because i enjoyed your company and you own some good qualities as a person which I am dying to acquire to make myself a better person. However,somewhere along the way; things got screwed up badly and for the record, i was a hundred percent sincere every single time when i was with you till that very week when i realized how insignificant we all are to you. I guess the problem lies in me as well,but there’s no need for your never ending words to degrade me on your blog. You seem to be picking up the little things that you’ve always wanted to learn and be good in, and i am frankly speaking more than happy for you. You know very well that you’ve got the qualities to succeed and make it big in life, so i wish you the best in it.As much as i hate to admit it, i love you as a friend,its just somethings that you’ve said and done that made me turn away. that was honest.
so lets just do one round of rewinding,no words but only pictures.
the one who made me discovered my love for DSLR! 
The one who’ll walk the line with me till the end of the relationship hahaha!
The one who has never given up in me despite my crazy wacko self. 
my family. 
the two brothers who i love so dearly that i’ll possibly break anyone’s neck if anything shall ever come close to harming them; ermmmm for being my kuli at home wtf.
my closest cousins.
my first trip without my parents to Beijing last year,and the first night we checked in was the first night of the HUNGRY GHOSE FESTIVAL WTF DID I MENTION ONE OF THE ROOMS IN OUR HOTEL ROOMS WERE LOCKED!!!
hand drawn by Clement. thats the Great Wall of China.
My best friend Ng Sue-Yenn who’s currently over in the US who is coming back so in two weeks!
its been too long!
the ones who never shares the favourite line of “I wanna go shopping!”
my architecture & interior designer kaki’s.
how can i miss her out?
tracy tan!
hope you felt what i felt after scrolling through these pictures.
i will walk this path,through and through.
i’ve never felt this good after writing for the longest time.
good night!
p/s: thank you to the one who has woken me up last night from my very very bad dream.
No related posts.
a very sincere, from the heart post. good one.
kinda reminds me of my thing too. keep happy!
its undeniably true too.
thank you so much!
@MS -
tracy and me loves you. *muahS