We all take a different approach towards this celebration and i would obviously have mine as well. Christmas was never a significant time of the year till I met Alvin on Christmas eve while working at Uncle Lim’s Cafe as a part timer waitress with excellent service wtf you should have been there. It was the 10 days of knowing someone for such a short period of time, and the feeling was just too good to be true I guess. Being 17 at that time, it was quite a remarkable feeling and these thoughts still remain fresh on my mind up till today although i rarely speak about them.

 

 This would be my 4th Christmas celebrated with Alvin, and that was the beginning of the very crucial turning point of my life. Screwed up, was a total understatement to define my condition then. No I wasn’t going through the typical teenage phase of growing up, and I strongly believe that everyone has their own fair share of darkest moments, the darkest phase where you have nowhere to run to. That was something I never stopped doing since the very much publicized crashdownbangboom in 2004. The idea of running away from reality, home, problems, and that chain kept on going on and on till I met Alvin. It was a breathe of fresh air from the ordinary running away self; needing a firm grip of reality and he thought me the importance of just taking shits as it comes one at a time, reassuring me that it will eventually work out; it always does.

You see, it really does. The world is way larger than life itself, its just how enclosed we choose to be to live within our so called comfort zone; a very directional view of things where you’re often unable to see things from a different perspective, very well like myself. The best thing about making mistakes is the unwritten opportunity to fix a mistake and make things right. Its a never ending process that we all go through whether we’re teenagers or are we adults who claim that they know it all. Seeing the confusion through my parents eyes also thought me that we will always be learning till the day we bid our final goodbye. So its been three years now, and I’m hardly speaking about my relationship with Alvin because it has always been about Alvin for the first year of my blogging experience. And i know why everyone is always so damn sure that Alvin is the one, the best fit and its a shame to lose someone so special.  Then let me tell you this, its not for anyone to decide who fits me best, who is the one, and whether its a shame to lose him; you honestly think i can’t deal with embarrassment?

Well, what sets Alvin sky high apart from anyone else isn’t for his looks, his money, his habits, his personality or fill in the blanks; but its how lucky I am to have my best friend who happens to be my boyfriend at the same time. That barrier of obligations, expectations, and accusations which stands in between most couples was no longer visible because of how we are as individuals. Love requires commitment, but we always forget that we are individuals for a reason. Differences are meant to be accepted, and not changed to fit ourselves. That is the key ingredient to make things work; we all get sick of changing, adapting, and evolving someday sometime somehow.

You have no idea how magical it can feel to feel accepted always, and just brush our differences off. I don’t think we would ever wanna have someone so much like ourselves, right? I met Alvin when I was this crazy brat who demands for the world and he never once told me to change. He loved me for the way i was, what i could become, what i am; through the test of time, we survived. So here comes to weird part of things, I see Alvin every single day without fail for the past three years, so to hell for those who say that it gets boring; frankly speaking you just have to learn how to live with and without. Don’t live out of insecurities, which i bet most of us do. Knowing if one would cheat and move on, there’s no turning back, no second chances because it defeats the whole purpose of a relationship.

My only problem, I’m indecisive. To be very honest, up till today I’ve only met one; one that might just sweep me away without even trying. Sadly, what isn’t yours will never be yours. Some people might have the ability to make your heart skip a beat, light up your day and sometimes even put  a wide smile on your face effortlessly. There is always this someone out there, but perhaps not for me.

 My favourite word; brutal honesty will always be my best friend. I’ve been honest about things, and all I really want is just to be happy. I’ve learned that money can create temporary self inflicted happiness, but it can never buy assurance, confidence and security. My other half will never be a trophy on a display shelf for the world; Alvin’s probably one of the luckiest trophy then wtf. Then that makes me the luckiest display shelf wtf. I’ve encountered some obvious cases of girls showing off their trophy boyfriends, sigh what a pity. Show cased boyfriends and with hidden agendas behind closed doors, marks the desperation to hide and so much for your happy ending seriously.

 It’s my 4th Christmas, the 4th New Years Eve and every single deserving moment of this relationship. So cheers to you readers who made it through this long entry to get a perfect picture of my love life. My life isn’t perfect, and that’s exactly how I love it. One thousand and ninety six days spent through our own heaven and hell was well lived.

Hope you had a good read,
good night! ♥

Thanks again LogicYuan