November 25, 2012
I had a bad week. Wouldn’t consider that the worst I’ve ever had, but it wasn’t a great one. I had a really good time catching up with some good old friends and maybe that sorta hit me in the head, that maybe I need to snap back to reality for a bit. There is no more room for pretense and I need to own up to all my mistakes. I need to open up to people again and I definitely need to work on regenerating positive energy in my mind. A friend joked about how I fly home so frequently as compared to most people studying overseas. Well, I guess I should count my blessings for that. It’s just way too hard to be away from home. Being around my family tend to make me more aware about life, and there’s only so much you can express over Skype. Sometimes I love that my mum would dig it out of me, she knows when I’m troubled and there were so many occasions that I had to put up a front, a happy face on Skype to prevent her from worrying about me. Dad thinks I can get overly emotional and make bad decisions at times. So I bear that in mind, and try not to snap at anything when I’m “feeling” things. I love my dad. No seriously, he’s like the best. I had to attend some event with Petronas earlier today, and it required me to be in KLCC at 5.30am. Knowing how I’m not as familiar with KL roads as I used to be, and he fears for my safety (and lack of awareness lol), hence he woke up at 4am, just to drive me there. It was raining heavily, and knowing that I lacked sleep, he asked me to take a quick nap in the car and he’ll wake me up when we reach KLCC. I mean, do you ever consider these little things that your parents do, that we might have taken for granted? Well, I didn’t take that nap and took the opportunity to catch up with him. It was a slow 30 minutes drive although the roads were pretty much empty. That was part of the plan actually. And so he waited for nearly an hour with me before heading off to work, that was probably about 6.30am? I know that my dad would give up the world for me, and I dare say I would do the same for him. He made me sensitive and realize the importance of family. We had a really good chat and he still thinks I’m way too paranoid whenever I’m out in Malaysia. Let me share a quick story with you. Well, my mum lost her dad when she was five years old. So, naturally, she probably saw the need to choose a man, an other half who would probably make the best parent for her kids right? I think she did a really good job. Such a weird angle to be talking about this, but this is really how I feel. Four years ago today, I was going through some pretty rough patch with my dad. It seems almost as if his expectations were impossible to meet, and I still don’t get how I found the strength to fight him so hard then. Only after I left the country living on my own, that I saw his concerns about me being too pampered and self centered. Come on guys, I grew up with very supportive parents. I think my mum is probably one of the most humble, thrifty and beautiful person I’ve ever known. She’s so kind and she doesn’t let ‘materialistic’ ideals define her. Same goes for my dad.He’s one boss who leaves for work by 7am and probably the first one in office. It kills me that he doesn’t eat well enough at work, and all the stress at work gets me really worried. I swear that I can sometimes be the most annoying daughter on iMessage especially, cause I tend to send him photos of all the food I cooked and his usual reply goes a little like this.. “Looks nice! ha ha ha! how come you don’t ever cook at home?” Well dad, you already have mum LOL. I think my parents are really lucky to have each other. This is how I’ve kept myself going strong over the last couple of months. I know I want my make time away count, and trust me, it’s
never too late to start appreciating. He taught me to always wear my heart on my sleeves, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to give without expecting anything in return. Sometimes people get so odd out when I help them out, or do it excessively sometimes (lol seriously I’m weird that way) but honestly that has been instilled in me. It’s in my nature to try to make a difference in someone else’s life. I gotta thank my dad for this. So to my friends who happen to read this, there’s never a hidden agenda. I’m just, nice I guess. Leon thinks that people tend to take advantage of that but I figured that it’s a sad perception that people have about ‘reality’. Just try to see the good in the bad. Try to understand that everyone has a story to tell. Embrace differences. I know what I wrote earlier was probably a little cheesy, but my parents doesn’t stalk me or read my blog, neither do I talk to them about stuff like that. I’m like
‘cool’ when I talk to my dad although he still calls me baby. (technically I am his baby) and we send I love you or I miss you text messages to each other. I think its a little harder to say these cheesy stuff when it comes to my mum, it’s odd but maybe it’s just a different style of communication. So hey guys, you know what would mean the world to me? Maybe a random act of appreciation. Maybe you love your parents more than you think you do, and try not to get too caught up with what you want whenever they disapprove, just let it boil over. I know that we all share a different sort of relationship with our parents, but hey, what are we without them? Honestly. They are not gonna be here forever, and life is too short to stay upset. On a more positive note, even if you’re going through some tragic break up, you’ll always have your parents loving you till the very end. I hope that someday I’ll find love so unconditional, as that would be my aim to be able to love unconditionally too. You know, my dad used to sing to me when I was a baby, carrying me in his arms in order to get me to sleep. And you know what’s weird? I actually remember being held and listening to lullabies.. Somewhere over the rainbow, Way up high And the dreams, That you’ve dreamed of Once in a lullaby.. Happy Thanksgiving btw!