Good day. I think I’m finally calling it quits, I’m done being emotional and I’m done thinking. The last one week was probably sucked the life out of me and all I wanna do right now is just be in bed and play words with friends. The weather has been lovely, which made me feel a whole lot better. Felt like I was on some catching up with friends marathon over the last couple of days, just hanging out and I’m actually feeling a whole lot better now. I’m not bitter or angry, I’m not exceptionally upset or happy; I’m just feeling pretty neutral myself. I’ve finally found the time to sort my mind and feelings out, and if you should know; I don’t feel as clouded with problems anymore.

Spent two nights with Cynthia just chatting about real adult problems, about her troubles at work; with bigger life decisions to make. It was pretty hilarious when we coincidentally read a couple of readings off Lillian Too’s book; she’s born in the year of the Monkey as well; apparently dragons and monkeys brings out the best in each other and they’re born allies. Okay I’m sort of straying away from my initial chain of thoughts, so yeah I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and self reflecting. Maybe its true that most of my decisions over the years was made while I’m in a relationship which in many ways restricts my freedom in fully executing my decision. Everything was done with an issue to worry about at the back of my mind.

I’ve weighed my situation about being in Malaysia and Melbourne, and dinner with Choong Wai last night totally cleared up my mind about completing my masters. Got home and read my older blog posts going back all the way to year 2008 when I first started off architecture; I had a chance to be engage with the ‘me’ at that point in time. You know how we say that people change with time, we grow and sometimes we end up losing track of our main purpose in doing something; I’ve found my answers. It was a mistake when I stayed back for a year in 2010 to do my degree in Taylor’s instead of flying straight to Melbourne; I spent a year feeling like I shouldn’t be here, I should be doing something else.

I made that decision for a relationship I treasured, figured its five years and I hear wedding bells; I wouldn’t wanna screw that up. Only to realize in time that you should never make decisions when your mind is not at the right state. I think things would have been different if I didn’t stay back and come over a year later; but no regrets, everything happens for a reason. This year 2011 was for me, every decision I made was solely my choice; perhaps that is the reason why I am happy despite leaving everything I love behind. I was driven by my passion for architecture, and I needed to make my parents proud.

I want to make them proud, but mostly it was for me. Choong Wai spoke about how he’s so focused about completing his masters, that he can never picture himself doing something else; its architecture or nothing else. Then it hit me, over the recent years; the beauty of the media and entertainment industry has never failed to tempt me, but I’ve always been firm about being an architect. That was my priority and despite all the heavy workload; I was fueled with my undying passion for buildings and design. It was all in blurry over the last three months; if I’m staying for Melbourne for the wrong reason?

Dad has other plans for me, and as a daughter I know it would be my duty to live up to his expectations. Ultimately, I needed to make him proud. I want to achieve and make something of my own; hence I came up with a conclusion to spend the next two years completing my Masters of Architecture. Its all coming clear to me now that I’m destined for greater things in life and I’m not stopping till I live up to my full potential. I recalled those long nights spent back at home with my dad staying up with me, discussing about design works; how he’s taught me all I needed to know to be GREAT and not just GOOD as an architect.

I am my father’s daughter, and architecture; that was what we shared together.

He used to be so harsh on me with my work, slamming my design ideas and its never good enough. Today, now alone in a foreign country with the absence of his criticism; I make better critical decisions that echoes on with my dad’s opinions. I know this is probably what most parents would say to their children, but here is what he’ll always tell me whenever I lose ground.

You’re intelligent, bright, confident, extremely talented and with all the good looks; you’ll be at the top. You never fail to get attention, imagine daddy with my fierce looking mustache; I have to make a living with my poker face but you have a presence. You walk into the room and people would notice you, you carry an aura of happiness and you rub that off on people. Your downfall strikes when you lose focus on what you set out to do, and if you put your heart into anything that you pursue; you’ll be the best. People listen to you when you speak because I know you, my daughter; you’re destined to make a difference in people’s lives. Go for the kill, don’t stop till you’re at your best.

Thanks daddy, all that is coming back to me now.

My new pair of shorts, costs 80AUD just for the back patch; but nothing beats retail therapy right? I don’t usually spend so much of one item but lets just make it my early birthday present. Spent a day out with Cai Jin, retail therapy always works!

Jasmine, Sol & myself @ Seven last Friday night.

Melissa Yang email me the pictures soon!

My first birthday away from home without my family, hopefully it’ll be a memorable one!

Related posts:

1. Hope Whispers.
2. Hope For Haiti.
3. Stairway To Success.

Posted on Sunday, September 18th, 2011 in Blogosphere, Cai Jin, Cheerio thinks a lot, Family, Melbourne. Subscribe to this comment feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.