02 |
Saturday December 2, 2006 |
December 2, 2006 |
happie 12th anniversary dear alvin!
its pretty sad to say but true tht he has nvr even seen any of my posts or blog. 
perhaps love works in many different ways. yesterday was kinda like okayy,was too busy the whole entire day to even find time to blog.oopsie! had the usual morning classes,lunch at pizza hut. i had the prawn olio spagetthi,my favourite. 
yum yum!. then i got pretty carried away looking for the right gift for kevin’s new date. went looking round and round,and yes,i thought i was late for my math class at 1.30pm! shit!! i reached college at 1.40pm,saw jeong ah and hyewon sitting at the cafeteria telling me,there’s no math class today. 
what a waste of time rushing then! went for futsal in the evening. didnt even touch the ball. 
just sat there and watched. went home at 6pm,i drove. went out for a movie, one missed call-final in pyramid @ 9.10pm. it was okayy,but i prefer the ones before.
i’m a silly mon-chi-chi .
im a happy mon-chi-chi.
i’m an addicted mon-chi-chi 
im a dreaming mon-chi-chi
sometimes i really do wish tht he’d care a little more about me. it seems like i’m the only one who’s struggling and trying to keep the both of us together. i had people coming in and out of my life trying to get a piece of me from him,that i wouldn’t deny. but what else must i do to show tht its gonna end soon? i’m only human. the whole year was awesome,sweet,fantastic,thrilling and emotional.
i do believe that we stand a chance of walking this path together for all of eternity. i’ve always believed in hopes. and that kept me going. perhaps when he reads this,it has already been too late. im not writing all this out to show and to get sympathy, nor to be those little childish immature girls who had nvr been thru hard times and is trying to cry over spilt milk. this is way passed that. im just being realistic that nothing is permanent. nothing lasts forever.
His temper and awful words used on me,will never be erased and it’ll always be ringing in my head. i know,very clearly,that right in front of my face,i already have some one else to choose or to be with,but where has all the value of love gone to?*
don’t ever take me in then throw me out.words are cheap to me. and it’ll always be. for some one so realistic like me, i dont think the three simple words i-love-you can melt my heart. i will always be the one thing tht you regret not giving in most, and the one sweet person tht he wanted,but he can never have,ever.
i hate myself for hurting u. but do u?.
i had a huge arguement with alvin just now after my morning econs class on a miserable saturday!imagine how awful this day is gonna turn out to be. repeated and unlimited arguements which serves no purpose but ruining everything. is it so hard to just love,and thats it. ? inside im dying. licking my wounds every single day. yet,im still here,being so patient with everything,relying solely on just hope.hoping tht things would turn out better in the morning.
can u see the sorrow in my eyes?
i cried like a pig when he yelled at me over the phone,im like what in the world is going on right now?! Have i done or said something so bloody wrong tht i deserve to be treated this way?its our special anniversary,isn’t it?being my usual self,i just cried and cried and cried.sobbing endlessly.shit!. this is getting wayy too emotional.alvin called up,apologized but it did took me quite a while to get over it,and finally gave in. im still pretty upset tho. licking my wounded heart.
no point crying over spilt milk right? *
No related posts.
i wont deny that i was wrong..i hate my temper..and i love u..i know the value of these 3 words…after all its only words..but i know mine is pure and true..i am not happy…not at all…i am not happy with myself mostly..i look in the mirror and i see someone, someone that i dont reconize..i am not myself lately..i am scared, confused and lost..scared of what the future holds..not my future..but your future with me..u said that even if i dont make it u will still be with me..because you love me..but u dont know..u dont know that i wold be able to live with myself to see u not living the life u deserve..not living to the fullest..even u cant convince me that u will be happy that way? time will consume u..i really really love u bu..thats why i did what i did the other day..but i could not let go..then i think to myself…all the anger is coming from my frustrations with my studies…i am sorry dear.. i really am…being realistic..our future seems cloudy..because of me…your are all that i love…and history has a nasty way of repeating itself…all the things and people i come to love will be taken away from me…i hope this is different this time…i cant lose u…to lose u is like losing a family member..a part of my body…i am a cripple without u…i love u…
its not ur fault tht things doesn’t turn out ur way. these mistakes u’ve made are ur own doing. and yes its true tht history repeats itself. stop slamming things n harsh words on me bcoz i’ve had enough dear. im choking every now and then. gasping for air hoping tht these awful moments would come to an end as soon as possible. i hate myself for hurting u. but i’ve drawn a clear line there. that i mean whatever i say.not out of anger or frustrations. love is forgiving. i forgave u for all tht u’ve done wrong.what are u scared and confused about?u’ve built a wall so strong tht i cant break through and reach out to u, at all. i wont deny tht those happy n hopeful dreams of our future of being together now seemed so far away. i’m one tough cookie. u know tht urself. things cant just bring me down like tht. i’m more than tht. dont tell me ur sorry when im already broken n torn apart. are u gonna lick my bloody wound? u tell me tht u love me. but do u love ur self in the very first place? then it defeats the whole purpose of me being here.