Good day folks. I have a slight confession to make,I think I’m suffering from this transitional part of my life where I’ve been receiving way too much pressure of having this blog. I know that I’ve probably gotten passed this stage a million times before, but I can’t help but to feel invaded at times, which explains why I’ve not written much about the Keeper, love & relationships and things like that for the past couple of weeks. This kinda struck me hard over dinner two nights ago,but this friend told me that I’m heading towards a direction of being a little too commercialized and not as personal anymore.

Well,I beg to differ. Truth remains that the only reason why I’ve been holding back its because I know who’s reading this; and the figure is growing,and I’m starting to get a little intimidated by the amount of readers. This is a very personal space,and I truly apologize if I have in anyway made it a tad bit too public, that is all gonna change from this point forth. I miss being blunt and brutally honest about how I feel about things, how I feel about people and most importantly with my perception about life itself as a whole. I miss being emotional and angry, I guess its all a part of growing up where I can handle situations a whole lot better now.

Look, I’m not doing this for anybody; but figured I sort of got carried away because of the heavy work load and advertorials chasing down my spine wtf. So here’s to clarify some things that, I really do prefer being in a genre of my own altogether. I did go through this period of self-reflecting, about how exposed I feel at times, having people knowing all about what I do, constantly being the food on the plate to get gobbled over especially when you know that people are bound to judge. Here’s a note to myself, Ellie; you’re a person of your own.

And this, right here; is your home.
Its not someone else’s home.

Honesty and individuality is something that cannot be bought with money. I have been pretty honest with myself over the years,but being brutally honest about situations can sometimes get you into trouble too. This is my home, my refuge; a space where it suppose to give you a best direct possible reflection of the person that I am, I’m not perfect. Coming from a past where I was once a child with a dark past, coming out from it, and now living the present to its fullest. I do feel grateful always, because I know that somewhere, someone is watching over me.

Count your blessings, and a person who’s never satisfied will never find happiness. If I can successfully remind myself with that statement each and every single morning before I get my day started; I think I’d probably be more appreciative of what I have now. I know I’m extremely blessed with Alvin who’s been pampering me like a princess over the past 4 1/2 years of our relationship, with so much respect & trust; your partner shapes you, and the support you get takes you to the next level of your capabilities. It worked vice versa of course.

I have my dreams,but I don’t call them dreams anymore because I know that even my dreams envy my reality at times. No thats not a boastful statement,just merely a gesture to show how much things have somehow miraculously turn out even better than anything I’ve expected. There’s of course this constant struggle to know whether my route in becoming a great architect will be an easy one, but rest assured; I don’t give up. Giving up is probably the dumbest thing to do, because you’re literally erasing off the very tiny percentage of possibilities that it may just work your way.

Be it relationships, studies, and other things; don’t ever,ever give up. The future will always be worth fighting for. At this moment, I picture a beautiful future thats framed up with this two person walking down the isle, having a toddler dressed up in cute outfits and designer shoes wtf, a place of my own which is gonna be designed by yours truly; and all I want is just to be happy.

Don’t ever underestimate the price of happiness.

At times I do wish that I can cry out loud to the ones whom I’ve been fighting for, for god’s sake; life is short, and you’re wasting each and every living moment of it not wanting to push your buttons. The things that revolve around our lives might be here forever, and you’ll never know if god might decide to take them away through some freak accident or something. I don’t know if you feel what I’m feeling at the moment,but please appreciate what you have. No point in regretting when its all gone.

Forever is composed of nows.
If you keep worrying about what might be
Wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.

Feels good to be home.

Related posts:

1. Home Sweet Home.
2. Take Me Home.
3. Cheer The CherryOh.

Posted on Monday, July 5th, 2010 in Blogosphere, Cheerio thinks a lot, Past, Personal Writing Masterpieces, The Keeper. Subscribe to this comment feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.