I’ve always been good with words,but the talk we had last night about what we really felt throughout the entire break up; about how doing everything compulsively to get his mind off me but yet always tuning back. Well for the first time,as we laid in each others arms,it brought tears to my eyes; tears of joy that is,knowing that I’ll never be able to find somebody who loves me to that extent. Love can be idiotic,it doesn’t have to make complete sense; and no the overused statement that love is blind does not apply in every context.

When he told me that I couldn’t the fact that I’ve lost you to reality,burying it deep down under enveloping it with every possible guilty pleasure seemed to be the only way to get my mind off you. He had to pay the price for my recovery off the past, and thankfully there were no regrets. As he was whispering those thoughts,about how he lived in denial that his heart lingers for my existence; and yet at the same time he knew he had to recreate this fairy-tale of a relationship.

Remembered the day we got together,when I just clocked off work as a waitress in Uncle Lim’s without bidding a final goodbye,text him saying I’m going off now,see you around. He immediately ran towards the punch out clock, and ran down the escalators running towards the exit where I was walking off. It was the exact same feeling he said, I knew I had a choice to pull the plug or to take the plunge to get a taste of your poison all over again. We met for 10days,and got together till today, four years when it strikes January 2010. It was his chase,and he caught up.

Nobody would ever understand the depth of this relationship,especially when we’re both very much private in the sense where all you see is the big picture; like what you’re reading here. Friends who’ve assumed that I changed a huge part of him,its all a life transition growing up phase; rest assured it was for his best interest and he’s at a way better place than where he was. Alvin helped me grow,he watched every baby step, every trip and fall & I guess that was the strength we had.

I was just laying in his arms with my tears rolling down my cheeks, and never thought I’d ever hear these words from someone unromantic wtf. Its not the typical I love you’s which made me cry,but those words I’ve been longing to hear about how he pushed his limits to do everything to keep his mind off the things which some idiotic folks assuming that he was finally free to enjoy life to the fullest, such shallow minds who didn’t really knew him I guess.

Deep inside hid a broken heart, a empty wallet & a bloating stomach wtf. Life was falling apart with work going down the drain, life itself needed a rebound. A rebound that doesn’t come in the form of one person, but the entire life as a whole. I had my rebound life,which was enjoyable but that wasn’t the life I loved. Everything that we do, there’s always these voices which flashes through and he swore that because I am so opinionated and noisy blablablaing all the time about everything,those voices were stuck in his head.

I am angry with a couple of his friends who the things that they’re said,you know who you are; but oh well I guess I’ll definitely be a better person three years from now at your age. Sorry if the situation may have been casted as if I’m keeping him away from you,but trust me on this it was solely his preference. One of the qualities which I love most about him is how he allowed me to whoever I was at eighteen,nineteen,twenty and now twenty-one. Its absolutely okay to make mistakes, its not like we’re seeking for perfection.

I guess,I’m in love.
Till then,what do you think?

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Posted on Sunday, November 8th, 2009 in Blogosphere, Cheerio thinks a lot, Love & Romance, Past, Personal Writing Masterpieces. Subscribe to this comment feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.