New Moon has definitely moved quite a huge part of myself,as much as it may be just some other vampire chick driven movie for team Edward & team Jacob; I couldn’t help but to succumb to the sad emotions of the movie. Hey before you conclude me as an emotional wreck, its both tears of joy & pain. Since people tend to dig my emotional posts probably because I emote so well wtf but if you should know, this is the part I love most.

The scenes where Bella had trouble sleeping well and waking up middle of the night screaming at the top of her lungs because the pain was way too painful to bear knowing that Edward was already gone,he’s walked right out her life. I guess I felt a bit of Edward at that point, leaving the Keeper for the better benefit of us because I knew that he needed that ample space to breakaway from everything that we were. The words when I said,I think we need to be apart; but please know that I’ll never stop loving you.

The pain of leaving a three year long relationship is beyond your wildest imagination because you wish you knew what could have been. When Bella cried herself to sleep,had nightmares & waking up screaming; I secretly cried myself to sleep knowing that it wasn’t the love that brought us apart; our love were larger than life itself, it was some differences which brought us apart. The Keeper chose to lived a nocturnal life because he was far too afraid to fall asleep at night, fearing the moments before shutting his very own eyes knowing that all he sees are flashes of images of us.

And there I was,playing a role somewhat like Edward always having a watchful eye over his well-being; a distance close enough to tell when he was falling apart. The thing about humans, people like ourselves is our ability to deceive the closest people around us that we’re okay; but knowing that deep down inside it feels as though a dagger’s pierced right through your heart,over & over again. As much as I had a Jacob in my life,he was just Jacob.

Everyone knew that Bella has always belonged to Edward. There was no denying the romance & affection that they had for each other, when you learn to love someone more than yourself.

And so from a distance I watched him crumbling apart, looking at his pictures; staring right into his eyes an amount of sorrow that he hid so well. He told me, that I was everywhere,in everything that I do from the simplest things that I used to say, to my easily amused self & its like living in the shadow which you refuse to take away. Deep inside there was this assurance that we’d never be apart, knowing that he’ll always protect me from all harm even when I was with Jacob, and thats the undying love which I think every girl who’d die for. Love for Jacob was merely a hole to fill in, Edward was always everything.

Bella did everything she could to be in the greatest danger pulling off some nerve wrecking stints hoping to catch a glimpse of Edward, even it meant getting herself really hurt.

It came to a turning point,I knew I had to come back.Before the Keeper silently self destructs; I was barely living like how I used to. At times when you’re in a relationship, you tend to want a thousand and million things to live it up to your ideal relationship; getting all upset when nothing seems to be going your way. Expectation kills, that was what killed us but the love; was beyond words. If you feel that you’ve found your soul mate, not one who does and likes everything that you do; but one who fills you up making you whole.

We paid the price to realize that sometimes the most valuable thing we share is our differences, some difference are meant to stay as a form of a reminder that you’re only human.The pain of being apart is way more painful than those tiny fights and arguments. There’ll come a point when I’d rather be different with you,than to be apart from you.

Frankly speaking, I’ve never stopped loving him; I wish it was just puppy love. What amuses me most would probably be how finds the strength to forgive & forget, ending with a soft I love you thats all that matters. Now that we’re back in each others arms, four years come January 2nd; things are more beautiful than ever. All our problems resolved and time heals all wounds. The saying goes, you’ll never know how much you love till you lose; its incredibly true.

My same question to the Keeper has always been.
Will you ever leave me?

He’d say.
Never,I’ve never left. Not once,not ever.
It was you,you left.

Then I replied.
Why not & how do you know for sure?

He calmly replied.
I’m in this for a lifetime from the very beginning,I never saw the end of us. I don’t leave.

Then i fainted wtf.

2007.

2009.

Our fight for love was all worth it. So to all you people in love out there reading,its worth it. We may not be Edward & Bella, but there’s always a piece of what they share in each & everyone of us. Find the strength for the greater good,and letting go isn’t giving up. The Keeper doesn’t really read my blog over the years,what an idiot to not appreciate such affection right?

Like what I said,its okay to be different.
Why strive for things in common,thats what you find in friendships.
Much love,cheerios.

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Related posts:

1. Eclipse: Edward or Jacob?
2. He Said,She Said.
3. Ignorance Is Bliss.

Posted on Saturday, November 28th, 2009 in Blogosphere, Cheerio thinks a lot, Love & Romance, Past, Personal Writing Masterpieces. Subscribe to this comment feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.