LIKE this post if I should get home to Malaysia.

Its the last day of October, its sure been a great month. I knew that September was hell, and I guess the cards were dealt to my favour. November’s gonna be a month of exams and lots of studying; planning on short trips around Melbourne, busking on the streets with Leon & I’m so gonna shop my hearts out. Okay don’t mean to sound spoiled, but dad said its okay so reward myself after hibernating at home; play by the rules. I love shopping, who doesn’t? My make-up collection has tripled since I came over, even more after I met miss Jasmine Hu who spoils me with catchoftheday sales & I’ve recently developed my love for bold red lips. It goes well with my sun-kissed honey tan skin.

I have no preference for any brand in particular,but I don’t think you should save on make-up. Okay perhaps its the idea of having stuff on your face (which you wear out 24/7 with nothing to conceal when you age) the last thing you need is to spoil it with products that harms your skin right? My skin acted up quite a bit when I first moved to Melbourne, but now its doing pretty well. In my daily make up pouch, I use:

• Stila/Maybelline/Bobbi Brown eyeliner
• Bobbi Brown foundation (fantastic!)
• MAC for a quick blush or else I’ll look pale
• Too Faced eye shadow palette, fav color on the palatte; Sexpresso!
• Lancome/Estee Lauder mascaras (rarely)
• YSL Rouge Couture Belle De Rose (cost me 50AUD)

I can live without make up on my face, only use ‘em when I’m out for events,occasions or date with the boyfriend. Its important to look pretty when you’re out, and its okay to just leave it naked at home. If you ever see me in uni, I look like a total cool nerd in a huge oversized sweater/pull-over. Its like, my uniform.

Malaysia, I hope you’re ready for us in December. Triple Trouble.

Cai Jin @jindramaqueen

Melissa Yang @MelissaYYQ.

Dinner at Mai Tai. Loved the deco and foood.

Sometimes, life is about living it. I strive to be happy, and I am. I study hard for uni, I blog with amazing followers (its a good 2000+ daily), I have a boyfriend who wants to marry me, a dog that goes by the name Brownthepom who skypes with me, girlfriends who’s always just a phone call away, a healthy gym life, cooking has become a hobby,i get to pursue music, a month away from graduation, i don’t drink,smoke or do drugs, I design buildings and build cool models, grocery shopping is the best therapy, i enjoy house chorese, and of course to have spending power without abuse it; ultimately, just self-acceptance.

I’m happy being who I am.

I’m no longer defined by my past, or by my mistakes. I don’t live going in circles anymore, I’m here at this point of my life with no regrets. As much as there was so much pain, I grow out of it. Its not arrogance, its just a self-accomplishment; when you crawl out of the darkness and look back realizing that it was all necessary. There’s no short cut to growing up, ever fall is a must; and till you fall and get up again, you’re no different from a baby crawling.

I love my family and friends. They inspire me, and I hope in some ways; I’ve inspired you too.

That was two months ago. Its amazing how time flies.
Now, we keep things via iMessage. iPhone messaging does wonders.

Related posts:

1. Oh Brownie.
2. Month of Love.
3. I Like Ruby.

Good day folks. I’m really stressed up with my assignments and final project at the moment. Things are getting better on my end, finally found peace and its good that my mind is back where it belongs. I’m just trying to do well for my finals which starts November 10th and I have my final studio presentation in less than two weeks. The last one month, a bad one; has finally come to an end. I’m no longer drowning in my emotions, feels great to walk away & yeah I have my chins right up smiling again.

Truth is, some of us spend years chasing after a bullet train ride which they’ve missed; without knowing where its headed. Don’t be too quick to live and settle down, life is constantly pushing us to our limits; get a good grip of reality and before you make any decisions, do stop. Ask yourself, what for? I know its always hard to look at the bigger picture when you’re trapped in a tunnel, a dark place where you chose to be in; and when you find your way out, the world has moved but you were trapped in time. Its like you’re speeding your life forward with your eyes blindfolded; with no one else to blame that you trip and fall over & over again.

I’ve learned my lesson to not rush into love, because even in fairy tales; the happy ending takes place on the last page.

Open up your heart.
Open up your mind.
Open up your world.

Comparisons easily made when you’ve had a taste of perfection.

Remember When – Avril Lavigne.

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times
I told you everything
You know my feelings
It never crossed my mind
That there would be a time
For us to say goodbye
What a big surprise
But I’m not lost
I’m not gone
I haven’t forgot.

These feelings I can’t shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I’m not coming back around
These feelings I can’t take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It’s getting harder to pretend
And I’m not coming back around again
Remember when

I remember when
It was together ‘til the end
Now I’m alone again
Where do I begin?
I cried a little bit
You died a little bit
Please say there’s no regrets
And say you won’t forget.

Related posts:

1. Remember When.
2. Remember This Moment.
3. Sucks To Be You.

Very flawed, but it was a request by my parents to try giving a Chinese song a try. 月亮代表我的心 (The Moon Represents My Heart) Cover.

Don’t get all technical on me okay, I’m just having fun overshadowed with the extraordinarily amazing boyfriend. Lots of love!

Related posts:

1. Viral Love.
2. The Heart Speaks.
3. Way Back Into Love (Cover) by Leonells.

Greetings Malaysia, I’m home!

Do share it around! Will be up blogging right after this!

Related posts:

1. Breakeven.
2. Maroon 5 LIVE in Melbourne 2011.
3. Boyce Avenue LIVE in Melbourne 2011.

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real,
Or if anybody feels the way I feel,
I need inspiration,
Not just another negotiation.

Today has got to be one of those days where I would probably end up sounding all gibberish and all over the place. I have absolutely no idea how to put how I feel into words at the moment, that explains why I haven’t been writing for the past couple of days. I had the time, I just didn’t know how to put those never ending thoughts into words. I hope the video above should already be played right this moment, because I honestly love how it sounded; how we sounded together, I reckon. I’ve always loved this song since forever, and figured it’d be a nice song to sing while as a couple. The musical arrangement and instruments were done from scratch by Leon, and its suppose to be happy cheerful piece.

I reckon its a track where you need to take a step back from the technicality of it; because I do personally think that I sounded a tad bit too bright for this song but after you listen to how the original song was sung; you’ll get what I mean.  I kinda nodded my head up and down at the second chorus along with the drum beats.

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.

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Before you hit on the play button, try to feel the vibe off the song okay?
Please feel free to subscribe, like or comment on the video because that’ll keep us pumped up to come up with more covers. I secretly hope the happy vibe would rub off on some of you after watching it.

Lots of love, Leonells. (Leon + Ellie)
do share on facebook, hopefully it’ll receive an equally good response as Lucky(Cover) below.

Related posts:

1. Man Bai – Kau Ilhamku Cover by Leonells.
2. Stop & Stare/With or Without You (Cover).
3. Viral Love.

We all walk away from things that we once loved, and sometimes its best to never look back. There’s a reason why things failed, just don’t go to the extent where you end up regretting it. Don’t we all wish that there’s a guide book that’ll show the perfect way to start, to work and to end a relationship; or even how to be friends after it ends. I never really spoke about how the relationship with Alvin of five years ended, and if we’ve remained friends after. Well, lets just be frank; its hard to stay as friends if you’ve not moved on, but once you dig it deep realizing that all you’ve left with is nothing more than good memories, then its time to move forward to a good friendship. Its tough, but its absolutely possible.

It was something different and extraordinary with Alvin, because we were good friends too, aside from being a couple. I’m glad that he’s still working with my dad back home; and he helps me to keep a watchful eye over my family and dad in office making sure things go well on my behalf. We’ve both moved on, and its the best feeling in the world knowing that you’ve had your closure. Breaking up isn’t the end, its that point where you know you’ll never feel the same way again even if you were to kiss; you’re no longer in love. People tend to get confused between the “i love you’s” and “i’m in love with you”.

It was hard at first on my end because I’ve already pulled the plug months before it officially ended; I needed to breakaway from my comfort zone to come over to Melbourne and I made that choice. Its time to grow up and be the best that you can be Ellie, and that’ll only happen when you’re thrown into a whirlpool of uncertainties. As painful as it may be, I guess its my mistake on my end that I always seem happy (heartless too) but we all know that it’ll always be painful. Relationships means the world to me, and I haven’t felt the same way with Alvin until recently.

Everything was just a case of free-falling and just whatever comes; because I was in that phase of going for the ‘unfamiliar’. I’ve always had my guardian, Alvin to tell me when I’m wrong and correct me as I grew up over the years; but can you imagine how bad it affected me on the inside when it ended? How come nobody ever saw the whole ordeal of picking up the pieces, or valued the way I loved my relationships? I treasured them while I had it, as the matter in fact; I write better when I’m in love. Its was never about the English language; its about how I have it out here, and what connects me to you, as readers.

I’m angry at times when some miserable soul comes firing me with statements about my relationship, frankly speaking; the last real relationship that I poured my hearts out was with Alvin and the rest, merely a phase. Its all part of searching for the one who’d set your heart on fire, and breathe life into you. Don’t get confused with what you had, what you want and what you need. Sometimes we’ve ought to believe that god has plans for us; we have people in our lives that comes in play as a stepping stone or perhaps an opportunity to cross-out your boxes, I’m not going for something like this again. Shame on you, if you make the same mistake twice; right?

And so, I waited; very impatiently of course.

I like the whole idea of having sparks that fly, and the mutual feeling of falling in love; rather than the pursuing process because we always stick to what we love at first sight. Call me a dreamer, but since I met Alvin for only 10days; got together for five happy years; its given me that boost of confidence that I’ll be able to find something like that again. Its uncommon, because you would need someone to sweep you off your feet; literally. I have no fears for consequences about getting my heart broken; what is the worst that can happen, cry,be miserable for a while and you’ll get over it eventually.

You have to.

So why not take that leap of faith and see what happens? I do believe in fairy-tale love stories, and its solely because its the one thing thats driven by happiness. What is the point of playing all the mind games and weighing of the odds about how he/she would fit in your life? If the world is coming to an end; I don’t want to miss a living second of it. You don’t have to agree with me on this, but I guess what makes the difference to this whole situation is how I don’t really fear bad outcomes. I’ve survived hell, and I know I’ll pull through anything.

I love how happiness can travel from one person to another; and I’m not gonna stop doing that. I don’t believe in people who talk about the fact that I might die young, fortune telling; is believable but if its meant to happen, it will happen eventually right?

Picture yourself as a painter of a white canvas cloth (your life); you can’t paint an art piece without having a visual of how the final picture would be like, but at the same time there’s no way you can get that visual 100% accurately out on the canvas cloth. You choose your colors, the thickness of your strokes, and all this varies according to that very moment you lay your brush over the canvas.

It is crucial to know what you want (visual), and not go astray from it. Just like relationships, once you’ve chosen a wrong color on the picture (knowing it’d ruin that visual you had); you know that’s just not the right color and move on. I’m not gonna add the color black to ruin my rainbow, and it really is that simple.

If they’ve added colors to your life, thank them; but know that you’re set out to paint a whole picture.

Give yourself the power of self-belief, and nothing can ever bring you down. Believe in yourself that you know what you’re capable of, and we all grow up eventually. You’re gonna be living in your 80′s, are you really gonna let two/three/five years of your life affect the next 75 living years? Do the Math, we all learned Math in school. I’ve fought my toughest battle then, and I can taste that feeling of how ‘its all worth the pain’.

If it helps to know, I’m happy now.

Related posts:

1. Oh Brownie.
2. Why You’re Not Married.
3. The Break Up.

Maddi Jane – Rolling in the Deep (Adele)

There’s a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bringing me out the dark.
Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I’ll lay your shit bare,
See how I’ll leave with every piece of you,
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do.

There’s a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bring me out the dark,
The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can’t help feeling.

Cai Jin, Helenness, Brigette, Natalie & Nat Saw. <3

We could have had it all,
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside of your hand,
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep).

Baby, I have no story to be told,
But I’ve heard one on you and I’m gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won’t be shared.
And you played it to the beat.

Could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside of your hands,
But you played it with a beating.

Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You’ll pay me back in kind and reap just what you’ve sown.

Could have had it all,
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside of your hands,
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me),

But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat.

Photos from Farewell.

Related posts:

1. Congratulations, My Valentine.
2. Your Guardian Angel.
3. Swept.

Good day good ol’ readers. Its been ages since I last wrote a proper post about things which are going on at the moment. I’ve never been this happy for a very long time, and as much as I would love to deny this inevitable fact that we all move forward eventually. So here’s this odd topic of discussion which has obviously been a problem on my end because apparently Ellie moves on too easily that it makes her seem like a heartless soul who cares about nothing else but herself. Well I don’t see a point in justifying myself; moving forward is by choice, and I can’t help but to wonder about the whole idea of not looking back to the past.

Perhaps I am dysfunctional and it is a form of disorder; but nobody is in any position to question my actions because I’ve been through hell, and all I’ve ever yearned for is happiness. A couple of years ago today, (although it may seem like i’m constantly repeating myself wtf) things were bad in ways where you literally hate your past and I think I found my answer to recovery. Its about the idea of openness and looking at the bigger picture in any problems you encounter; we may crash, fall and get crushed over & over again, but once you’ve chosen your way of life to make the best out of life and to truly live, you’ll find your way out of anything.

To be very honest, I’m really bad when it comes to the breaking up part in relationship. Sometimes we all get into a relationship with the highest hopes that happiness has finally arrived at your door step; go for it and see what the future entails. Maybe its a blessing in disguise that all the bad things that has happened six years ago has molded me to take a step back from situations and problems looking at it from a different perspective. Its not that I am cold and heartless, neither do I fall in love easily; I just know what I want and what I don’t very clearly. I’ve never been in a situation where I have to choose between two people because I don’t give myself options; they just exist and options remain as options if its not what I want.

There is a thin line between enjoying the options and just having them; if you’d know me in person, people would easily tell you my criteria that I seek for in a man. The bar has been raised since I got out of the almost perfect relationship with Alvin for five effin’ years. Try being seventeen, falling in love and being in that one relationship who came so close to wedding bells; and having it to fail right in front of your eyes. Unless you’ve been in a full fledged relationship with parents, family members and your boyfriend working for your father; and having it to fail leaving the country to start anew, please just save it.

I wish so badly that I was that cold heartless and fill in the blanks. Life would have been a whole lot more amazing without all the unnecessary compromises but they all help to make a better you in relationships to come. Its sad that we dwell within our own negativity projecting the worst possible ideas about someone else; living off someone else’s misery when deep down inside you and I both know that it was always for a good cause. Some words don’t really bother me because I sympathize the pain that you’re going through dealing with the ongoing miserable problems; its all part of growing up.

I really do believe that I’ve found my answers here, now that I’m alone living a long distance away from my parents where I make my own decisions and running through my long list of checklist before making them. I understand how frustrating it can get to be put in a situation where you’re forced to voice out when you’re misunderstood, especially as growing teens with raging hormones wtf and the need for an extra twist of drama in our everyday lives. I’m pretty much done with that phase of my life; I swore I’ll never get angry at anyone after my grandmother died last year. If you knew the amount of pain I’ve lived with over the years; you’ll understand why I don’t see a point dwelling in unhappy thoughts.

This life is yours, live it.

There’s no undo button, no Ctrl-Z shortcut key to turn the clock around. I sat alone thinking yesterday before blurting it out about how I notice a pattern in my ways of getting over a relationship. You’ll have my 100% or perhaps even more; and I don’t quit. Sometimes its all about being realistic that I’ll never date someone whom I don’t see myself with 10 years down the road. Lets face it, people change and they grow up into a better version of themselves. What we can’t control is the growth rate of the people around you. I’m sure if you sit back and think about it, at some point of our lives; we drift apart from the people because everybody matures at a different rate.

I’m nothing close to what I chose to be, but I really like my life at the moment. I’ve spent way too many years being in my comfort zone, and being here in Melbourne has clearly thrown me out of it. Everyday seems like a new day to look forward to, and nothing is gonna stop me from staying happy that way. How come nobody ever wondered how torturing long distance relationships can be? The answer is evident, we feed of negativity. I was once the same; just like everyone else, we assume the worst out of any situation because it takes way too much good faith out of ourselves to believe otherwise.Life has always revolves around you, you’re self-centered that way; but thats okay.
There’s just no point in crying over spilt milk.

How can you possibly be happy about others when there’s so much unhappiness in you?
Being bulletproof is by choice; so does being weak.

Related posts:

1. Its Cold.
2. Oh Brownie.
3. Why You’re Not Married.

Good day folks. I’ve been busy with final submissions for my assignments; including the video below which was made when I had a phone call in the morning claiming that they needed a video(for my group work) and its due at 4.30pm. You have no idea how tough it was to go through the whole thing in such a rush and I can’t imagine what I’do without help. I don’t have hours in the day to write and I reckon its also because I’ve been happy lately. If you ever see me switching Facebook profile pictures on a constant basis, thats me having mood swings; but its been different lately.

I’ll spill more details when I’m ready to have it out, but for now I’m just trying to enjoy the moment and figure the rest out later. A month from now I will be heading back to Malaysia, and I’m having mixed feelings about it; oddly. Perhaps I dread the horrible hot and humid weather, the acid splasher scare and the traffic; but apart from all that, I can’t wait to meet my friends, family and dog!

Anyway,here’s a cover of The Beatles – Let It Be. Its one of my dad’s favourite songs, he would sing it over on Karaoke at home only with a much lower tone; listening to it now makes me miss home too. The song was chosen by my group mates for an assignment; I have no idea how it’d sound and sometimes I wish that I took music more seriously, but at the same time I don’t wanna change a thing about how things are played out now. Glad I took a breadth subject in Uni that has nothing to do with architecture. Next time I can sing my ideas out to my project clients wtf.

I hope you’re reading this daddy,this one is for you.

Related posts:

1. Stop & Stare/With or Without You (Cover).
2. Way Back Into Love (Cover) by Leonells.
3. Man Bai – Kau Ilhamku Cover by Leonells.

There are some things better left unsaid.
Sorry for the temporary hiatus, rushing my final assignments!

I have so much to write about you have no idea.
Have a great Tuesday!

Related posts:

1. Falling Slowly feat. Leon Marcus Zachary.