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January 30, 2017

Hi readers. Guess who’s back? Figured my long hiatus should probably end as of today onward. I’m ready to open up and feel again. Took me two whole months to restructure my life, and I would say that things have spiraled upward since. You know what’s scary? When I woke up one morning feeling so ridiculously numb, painstakingly hiding the fact that I don’t deserve love. It was really dark, cold and scary. To watch people get married, have kids, or even couples looking so blissfully happy, it sucks. But what pains me most is to know that deep down inside, I’m rejecting the idea of being in a relationship. So I channeled all my attention onto my work, friends and of course, myself. “Truth is I’ll never give up. Perhaps then I was so bothered by the reality that I need to push everyone who loves me away in order to see if love is here to stay. Maybe it was wrong for me to punish someone else for my silent misery, the sad fact that I had nothing to believe in. I wasn’t very nice, and I

wasn’t myself, I put up a front to pretend that I am capable of not feeling anything. Here’s to declaring my chase for happiness. There’s something about how it makes me feel that gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. I don’t know why honestly. I guess chemistry is vital.”  

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