January 2, 2014
Happy New Year.
Hello there good ol’ readers. Sorry I’ve been away for a long while. Figured its about time I start writing again. So much has changed over the last half a year, and I have successfully accomplished my year 2013′s resolution. I’m not really sure where or how to begin,I’m feeling a little out of touch so bear with me if its a little jibberish. I spent the past couple of months healing. It was therapeutic. I saw the importance in redefining my priorities and I needed to fix things that needed fixing. Mending a wounded heart. I was dysfunctional for a long while. Incapable of loving or being in love. The danger of building a future shared with someone else, hand-in-hand have affected some of my life decisions. Which explains why I wanted to learn how to be completely alone, unattached and see what life has to offer with hopes that I’ll be able to see things in a larger perspective.
I’ve also learned that nothing in life is certain. There’s no guarantee that things will turn out the way you want it to be. So if you’re getting into a relationship or making life decisions with high expectations, you better be prepared for disappointments because shit happens. That’s just how life works. On the upside, if you’re in a bad situation, do know that it’s probably gonna get better because that is just how it works. My friends think I’m made out of this positive ball of energy, ever oh-so-hopeful about life, but hey, I just try to make the best out of what I have now and give my best. Hard work pays off, it always does and it always will. I think with the absence of a relationship in my life over the recent months, I see things really differently now and I can gladly confess that I am happy.
“True happiness comes from within yourself, not from someone else. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along & make you happy.”
Can’t remember where I read this phrase, but it says, until you are able to be happy as an individual, you’ll never really gonna find happiness in a relationship. So for this new year 2014, I strongly urge you to start looking deeper into yourself and question, what makes you happy? What makes me happy? Winning a game in Dota 2, or even the simplest things like having to purchase a shoe off ASOS for 70% off. My point is, life is what you make of it. You can choose to focus on the pain, the loss, or the unjust; or you can choose to appreciate what you have now. Keyword is to focus. Last year’s resolution was to learn how to be independent and alone: to find happiness through other things that I might have overlooked over the years. Friends, family and my dog of course.
I have some good news to share.
My results last semester was fantastic, and I might be able to graduate masters with pretty high flying grades when I finish mid-2014. I can’t wait to be done with my masters, and just be home for good. Parents were pretty happy with my results, and that makes me happy. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned in my previous post, but I picked up tutoring/mentoring last year. My Fridays were spent tutoring, and having one day off uni work dedicated to earn some extra cash. Frankly speaking, I really enjoyed the teaching process because it reminded me of my younger years pursuing architecture. I’ll post photos soon when I have the time, so stay tuned, haha.
So the frequently asked question this trip home was obviously boyfriend-related. “Are you seeing anyone? or “Got new boyfriend already ah?” My reply was no, of course not. Honestly I wish someone would ask me about my architectural stuff or my results, or something besides…my relationship status. I’m exactly where I have to be at this point in life. There’s this weird sense of accomplishment or shall I use a better word, perhaps satisfaction? Oh don’t get me wrong, I always go for the kill in everything I pursue. But I’ve also learned that you need to make multiple checkpoints to avoid being caught in the chase, and lose sight on the present.
Love, I believe that its all about timing and its not something you can control. It’s not supposed to be too complicated, or messy. If someone really wants to be with you, they will come around. After going through a long reflective period, I know that I’m handled and made peace with everything wrong in the past. I am free. No more excess baggage from previous relationships because the common culprit of bad relationships are problems instilled in our little minds carried forward to the next relationship. We sometimes find comfort by being in denial and running away from the real problem. It’s normal, but unhealthy. I want to be at my 100%. We fear betrayal, lies, and bad situations from the past. But here’s the thing, until you make the conscious effort to deal with the past constructively i.e. he cheated, I got hurt, but that’s it. One individual who messed up, and bury it six feet under then move forward.
Happy Birthday to my brother, Wen Zhi. This was taken yesterday, everyone that mattered was in the photo above.
Find the courage to step up whenever someone knocks you down. Live in the present, and look back to the past every once in a while to remind yourself about the mistakes you’ve made and not repeat them. End the vicious cycle, and the change has to start from within. Take risks, and take control of your life. The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading and happy new year.
GOOD TO BE BACK. MUCH LOVE, CHEERIOS.