12

Across The Universe.

May 12, 2014

 

Some say that love has a way of making life seem a whole lot prettier. I was rehearsing, yet again, for another presentation tomorrow and I said to myself, I need to write this down. I’ve always been pretty clear about what I want in my other half, but at some point, I decided to just let it come and for once try to expect nothing. I know its still fairly early to conclude, but he must have been doing something right to make me feel this way. I’m just really happy because I’m gonna be done with masters and will be travelling quite a bit this year. I’m trying my very best not to jinx anything, but just thought I’d pen this down in case I look back and wonder.

Thank you for always trying to be there for me, being the oh-so supportive pillar. To make plans according to my timezone, just so you can squeeze in time after a long day at work to have a couple of hours with me. To call me at random times throughout the day just because I’m vaguely mentioned once that sometimes I get lonely (mainly coz I miss home). Knowing that you really listen to my complaints, I know I tend to ramble about all sort of nonsense but you somehow managed to pick up the main issue on what’s bothering me and fix it. Like some superhero yknow. I love how we’re so ridiculously hilarious together because all we do is laugh at absolutely everything and anything.

I don’t get why you think I’m so funny, why would you even laugh when I’m crying about stress from work. I sent him an image of Blackmores’ Stress and Anxiety relieve bottle, because I tend to get chest pains towards the end of semester due to stress. He told me over a phone call saying, “I will call you throughout the day, even if its a short 5 minutes call just to make sure you don’t get too stressed up. And it’s okay to ignore my phone calls if it gets too annoying.” LOL. I love how you really see me for who I am. I’ve always been critical when it comes to questioning what others see in me, that’s usually how I gauge people, based on what they observe. People always choose to see what they want to see, and that’s one way of understanding a person’s view point on things. So, what I adore most about him? Unlike me, he doesn’t fire me with an essay or a love poem, but he has his way of saying things at the most unexpected times in the most unexpected way!

I love that you’re such a smiley person like me! It’s like a freaking Colgate-ad face off whenever we talk. Hello lets see who can hold the longest smile with our teeths going EEEE…EEE. The winner is pretty damn obvious. :) I love that I don’t feel the need to question his intentions or get provoked over small issues because I tend to over analyze things. It is in my nature to observe and understand things from different perspectives. So for this instance, this is definitely the most ‘stable’ I’ve been over the years. No crazy late night fights because he’s so composed when it comes to dealing with me and my emotions. The combustion usually ends with sparkly dust floating in the air. It’s true yknow, when they say that the people in your life plays a great role in influencing and shaping the way you look at life. I’m seeing things in much more positive way lately.

As the matter in fact, I HAD A ROMANTIC weekend. It was just me preparing this huge bag of presents and I made aglio olio pasta at 4am just so I can get my friend to deliver it back home to Malaysia within the same day. A pasta delivered via Air Asia flown 8 hours from Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur. I’m not sure how can I express this odd urge to be hopelessly romantic, but its not something I do very often. Some say that opposites attract. Some say that you need similarities to stay together. Based on my own experience, I’d say both! In my humble opinion, I personally enjoy the never ending learning process and that keeps me interested. You need that common ground i.e. similar family upbringing, hobbies, interest, and you definitely need to want the same thing at the same time in order to make anything happen. Timing is EVERYTHING. It can make and break any relationship. I love someone who shares the same hunger for a better version of ourselves. I love that he understands why I do what I do, and gives me his full support in pursuing my dreams. I love his humility and the way one deals with people on a daily basis.  I love it when someone doesn’t try too hard or seem like they know it all.

 

It’s okay to not know it all. And hell yeah its absolutely okay to make mistakes. Just learn from it and get better.


Anyway, I can’t wait to be home!!! :)



27

Shift Baby Shift.

April 27, 2014

 

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”


I was actually in the shower. Just thought it’d be cool to see how I could play with the water droplets, and I thought to myself, that would make a super cool ‘emo’ shot. I think it went pretty dang emo, don’t you reckon?  :D

As I was doing my work earlier, being all jovial babbling away about how awesome life is at the moment, harmonizing to The Script’s The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, a friend dropped a bomb on me. He said, ‘I don’t know how you hide it so well, but I think you deserve all the happiness in the world you can get.’  He’s a really close friend of mine. He added that all he sees in me over the years was pain, or maybe, just the struggle to get over one shit at a time and power through. He added,’ I remembered the first day that we met, you were so loud and bubbly. Never in my life would I have imagined you having such a bitter past.’ So dear good ol’ readers, if you’ve been reading long enough (its been eight years), you would have witnessed the transition of me being a freshman out of high school, to everything I am today. Still nothing much, but things have gotten better.

The truth is, I’m just hanging in there and I try to keep my mind on my short-term and long-term goals. It is often easier said than done, but I think I’ve mastered the art of handling pain and grief. Pain makes you grow up. It forces you to accept the bitter reality that things don’t always work out as planned. And you will soon realize that all that truly matters is to live life with a purpose greater than your own, and reach out to people. I know I’m a little weird, a concoction that makes no sense to some, but I guess I’ve been raised to never give up. There were nights where I’d sit in front of the computer, staring at my sheets of drawings, wondering if this will lead to anything beyond good grades on a certificate of excellence. What if all the hardship spent in uni will somehow diminish as soon as I step into the working world? So hey, it really is a matter of perspective.

Our priorities may shift, but like what my dad used to tell me, building a good character is crucial. Perhaps in this superficial world where we’re so caught up in the way society seeks and demands for you to be a certain way, some may have lost sight of what they truly want in life and you stop trying to be better. As the saying goes, life’s not a destination, it’s a journey of learning and re-learning  about ourselves and how we fit into this demanding society. I think all I want for the next couple of years is to reach a point where I can gladly say “hey, I’m happy” and I’d love to be able to look back at all the hardships and bid my final goodbye. :) I’ve lost countless of battles but I know that nothing good comes easy either. The biggest misconception about that ‘smile’ ?

I think I’ve been blessed with great friends and people in my life over the years. I do count my blessings. No, really I do. I believe that as long as you are able to give love unconditionally, even to new found friends or random strangers (don’t look at it the wrong way lol), the universe will find its way to deliver ‘em love back to you. It is okay to give without expecting anything in return. That’s probably one idea I hang on to pretty strongly. Be fearless, although the world may seem like a really dangerous place to wear your heart on your sleeves. Be as brave as you can be because believe me, I’ve walked the talk of throwing myself into the whirlpool. Your world will immediately become a prettier place when you start treating others how you want to be treated.

Don’t let fear get in the way.

 



24

Hello Kitty.

April 24, 2014

Oh boy its been forever. I guess this time it’ll be slightly different, because this time I think I’m able to really get in touch with ‘the other side’ again as compared to how things were over the last one year. For the first time in a very long time, I am able to understand what it feels like to be in love. Call me silly, or a total heartless creature who stopped believing in the idea that relationships can work, I think something that died in me a long time ago is finally burning alive once again. I woke up today feeling like someone ran me over with a truck, head felt as though it was gonna blow up, but yet there’s this odd sense of calmness. Somehow I knew that somewhere halfway across the world, someone is sharing the misery with me. :D I know it sounds kinda mean to drag someone else through your morning hell, but I guess that’s all part of being together right?

It’s about being thrown into the pool of confusion where every little thing they do affects you in a million different ways. It’s about being vulnerable knowing that you are indeed taking a chance, or a risk, that the moment you say the classic ‘I do’ you’re putting yourself at risk of getting your heart broken again. Perhaps it was really difficult to start anything with anyone over the last one  year because I honestly felt I wouldn’t be able to survive another heartbreak. It’s just way too much effort, way too much pain, and as time goes by, it makes you question the necessity of finding ‘that’ sort of happiness sharing your life with someone else. I sure as hell missed writing about love. It has always been my ‘one true love’ because its something I can’t pluck out of thin air.

Then the next question that follows, what does it take for me to fall in love?

Honestly, I have no idea.  I remember telling my close friends that my walls are up, I need to finish up my Masters with flying rainbow colors, and travel for a bit before considering to start anything. Now that I think of it, perhaps I might have jinxed myself lol.  The more you push it away, the more it crawls its way into your life I guess. Not that I’m complaining! Just a quick update on the other aspects of my life at the moment. I’m gonna be done with my Masters and will be back in Malaysia for good mid this year! I’m also doing an independent thesis this semester, which is kinda a big deal for me, because I’ve worked my ass off over the last 1 1/2 year to maintain a high CGPA in order to even apply to do it independently! So let’s hope I’m able to keep my shit together and go for the kill. I really want nothing more than to do well and make my dad proud. I know it sounds really silly, but the ultimate prize to achieving success to me is to see that look on my parents faces looking back at me up on the graduation stage. I have worked so hard, although my social media may reveal otherwise. :D

I believe that you should never do anything for the sake of doing it. I think there’s more to life that just living it the conventional way. Neither am I implying that I’m just rebelling against the conventional way of looking at life. Do anything with die hard passion, and believe me, you’ll get there. What I’ve learned from my hardcore gaming ways in DOTA2, perseverance and consciously think about you present and possible  future outcomes simultaneously. Do what you love, and love what you do. That ‘relationship’ will bring you places. :) Some people, fearing they don‘t have what it takes to overcome or succeed, give in to weakness. Others show an unflinching determination to find a way through difficulty and keep moving forward. The difference between them is found in realizing that, if you know where to look, you‘re stronger than you think.

 

 

‘Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.’

And as for love, thank you. Nothing good in life comes easy. And I strongly believe that things come when you least expect it. It is just really nice to be able to feel again. For this instance, I know I’ve dropped all emotional baggage from the past. And that’s something we truly have in common. It’s that common ground knowing that if you’re not capable of being happy on your own, you’ll never truly be happy even if you move on to the next relationship. The excess baggage will weigh you down indefinitely.

Those three words. I love you. Don’t come easy. And I’ve listed down a few key reasons based on this article [source]

  1. Someone who respects themselves. Someone who has a great deal of self-esteem and is mature enough to handle things that are thrown his way.
  2. Someone who is willing to lay down his pride for you, instead of defending it.
  3. Seek out someone who protects you, who will take care of you, and who will never leave you. (THIS SHOULD APPLY IN GAMES TOO :D )
  4. Someone who is financially and emotionally stable. Someone who is committed and never has the word ‘affair’, ‘divorce’, or ‘backstreet’ in his dictionary.
  5. Someone who has a good support system and great friends to fall back when all else fails.
  6. Someone who can make you laugh when you cry. Someone who understands. Someone who takes time to learn your interests and be cooperative even if he doesn’t share them. Someone who puts effort to know your family and introduces you to his.
  7. Someone who has the right values – who will make you a better person.
  8. Someone who believes in you, who will support you to reaching your dreams despite things looking bleak at the moment. Someone who doesn’t believe in no-win scenarios, and someone who listens.
  9. Someone who can criticise you and praise you at the same time. (STOP CALLING ME STUPID AND FATTY PLEASE! T__T  )
  10. Someone who can lead you. Someone who is not afraid to let you see him cry.
  11. Someone who finds himself lucky to have you. Someone who believes in magic.
  12. Someone who wants to grow old with you. Because truth is, if you don’t grow together, you’ll grow apart.

 

Took this shot yesterday. :) There is love in everything, you just gotta open your eyes and your heart of course! :)

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