Good day all. I hope you’re having a way more enjoyable weekend than mine. For some reason, I’m not as stressed as the previous semesters, but I’ve been working non-stop nonetheless. My theory? Perhaps I’ve been so stressed up the entire semester that I am completely numb when it comes to overwhelming workload. I reckon as an architecture student, you need to give yourself a heads up that there will be a lot of work, and sometimes that multiplies due to your own need for perfection, or the competitive side of a young brooding architect that is rising up to the occasion, to stand out from the crowd. Well, here’s a thing that I truly believe in. Do it yourself, and do it for yourself. That is the only way you’re gonna really learn everything you need to know. The pursuit. The sooner you learn how to deal with rejection (it is unavoidable) and filter constructive criticism, you will get better. Things were really different architecturally in terms of the level of difficulty and complexity in Bachelors Degree as compared to the current Master of Architecture.

In Bachelor’s degree, it is somewhat more general, touching the surface of topics/ideas that you’re interested in. For example, you’re given a design brief, and as long as you come up with a good concept that is believable and work it, you’re probably gonna score pretty well. You’re probably graded based on the quality of work, development of your initial conceptual idea and the final, the execution of course. So what is so different in Masters studies for me? You can’t exactly bullshit your way through everything. You can be a mighty presenter, but you need substance. The more you read, the better. I’m not sure how it works in Malaysia, but I do realize the difference in the way a knowledge is shared in local universities. There’s more spoon-feeding and we show very little respect for our lecturers/tutors due to the Malaysian mentality. I’m not implying that education overseas is the way to go, but it does make you see things differently.

You need to be very resourceful. And to answer the question to whether pursuing the Master of Architecture? Yes please. Architecture truly began for me in Masters. About a year ago, in early 2012, my parents were somewhat against the idea of doing Masters because they feel the lack of passion and commitment to what I was doing, hence the uncertainties. Dad would tell me how it could be a whole chunk of money dumped into the ocean if its not put to good use. He wanted to make sure that this decision to go forward with Masters, was something I wanted more than anything else. It was my future on the line. And so, I spoke to someone. Had this long conversation with Hong Yi, and she’s probably the reason why I went for it. There was this line that has been stuck in my head since, ‘architecture only began in Masters’.

It is true. You sit in a room filled with graduates with working experience. Everybody knows their stuff and you rarely find half-baked students. I’m not even gonna talk about the sort of grades that is required to do Masters. I love it tho. I love how everyone is always so passionate about their work, and carry themselves so well as future architects. We usually spend the first half of the semester on research, and I don’t mean the boring style of research. You create, you make and  you apply what you learn. Time is never enough, so don’t punish yourself if you get too stressed up. I’ve learned how that its best to just plan ahead, and be disciplined about it. You can still have time for other things like gym, shopping, coffee dates, and gaming every night.

Every hour of my day is planned two weeks in advance. I allocate 16 hours for work/uni,2 hours for meals/gym, 2 hours for gaming and 4 hours for sleeping. Anyway the main idea here is to be organized and plan ahead.

I’m not great at gaming, but it helps me release and manage my stress on a daily basis. It’s like personal reward fun time and it helped me get over the break up really quickly HAHA.

But you have to be very careful when it comes to gaming. As for me, I’m not great at it. I merely enjoy the farming sessions because when you’re so focused onto taking the ‘last hit’, it pulled me out of my chain of thoughts with work. In architecture, we tend to get stuck very frequently, so it is important to be able to snap right out of it. Find your source of fun and don’t kill yourself with the work load. Learn to look at all the work passionately. People don’t get how I can work all the time and still ‘feel’ alive. Honestly, I really love what I do. I’m in love with the process, and if the final outcome turns out great, that’s a plus.

In this assignment, I had to redesign the design of a sausage. It was so much fun. Designed a hollow sausage, and changed the properties of the skin.

The outcome! How’s this for a new sausage LOL

Meet the study conceptual models. 5 hours of work. I miss photography too. Hopefully I can pick up a DSLR again, left it at home in Malaysia.

Myself and Marie.

Running around like a boss hahaha

I’ve got a new ukulele btw.

And my love for Tiff&Co continues.

I gotta get back to work now. For some reason, I’ve left this impression to others that all I do is enjoy life (well I am to be honest) but that’s not all I do. I spend a lot of time alone at home in front of the PC, sketching can go on for hours and it is a lot of hard work. All I’ve learned after five years of doing architectural studies is to be able to stay calm and collected. Keep it all together, and remember, when you have passion for what you do, IT SHOWS. And this semester, my entire studio mates are probably the most passionate bunch I’ve had in years. It was a little intimidating at the start, (sit a room filled with fellow enthusiasts is cray cray) but I love ‘em now.

Our post mid-term dinner at Panama.

EVERYBODY MEET SHENG YI.

My Architectural Practice buddies:  Lei Ling, Marie and Shallyn.

I hope you’ve had a good read about architecture. The picture above, image on the left was my interim proposal which is no longer in use. Stay hungry, stay foolish guys!

Good day. I’m feeling a whole lot better now. This is gonna be one stressful weekend but things should get better as soon as I see results. Sometimes you just got to let things fall into place on its own, and not over-think it.

Post gym session

I love working out, and I wish I had more time. But hey, priorities! Anyway, here’s something I found pretty true.

Stages of Healing from a Broken Heart:

Stage 1: Disbelief, shock, numbness, strength, sadness, confusion, anger, fear of loneliness.

Stage 2: Anger, disbelief, strength, fear, hostility, and vengeance may show up, pain, and sorrow.

Stage 3: Missing the person intensely, pain, sorrow, numbness, confusion, missing the person intensely, wanting to cave, pain, fear of loneliness, disbelief, negative internal dialogue, acceptance.

Stage 4: Numbness, acceptance, strength, pain, fear of loneliness, sorrow, numbness, disbelief, wanting to insult the person, vengeance may show up, sorrow, anger, acceptance, strength.

Stage 5: Missing the person less intensely, pain, acceptance, fear of loneliness, negative self outlook, loss of hope for future relationships, needing the company of others, numbness, acceptance.

Stage 6: Acceptance, needing the company of others, loss of hope for future relationships, negative internal dialogue, missing the person less intensely, needing the company of others, strength.

Stage 7: Strength, wanting to improve, feeling attractive again, acceptance, needing the company of others, missing the person less intensely, a little bit of sorrow at night while in bed.

Stage 8: Acceptance, needing the company of others, hopeful about the future, wanting to improve, missing the person sometimes, strength, positive internal dialogue, needing the company of others, feeling OK about being single.

Side effect that is an ill gotten gain: Ability to recognize a bad trait in a new potential mate and having the courage to refuse to go through a bad relationship again.

1 Strong opinions about yourself that are not based on true facts.
2 Negative self view
3 Negative internal dialogue
4 Harmful self destructive behavior/self abuse (binging, over eating,wanting to die, seeking to die, taking risks)
5 Self neglect (not taking proper care of yourself, letting yourself go)

If you experience these side effects, you remain in a broken heart stage and this is not healthy. You need to really make a decision to improve in your weak areas and take control of your life. Live purposefully and decide to be free from pain and be done with the stages. You have the right and the power to live a life free from pain, and negativity.

I am at Stage 8, thankfully! Till then, speak tomorrow. Making it a point to blog everyday remember? xx

I’m back.

I can gladly say that I’m over it. Took me two good months of self-containment, focusing on work and coping with stress. I sincerely hope that this blog post finds you well and dandy. I miss writing. I miss pouring my heart out to nobody, somebody or just anybody because I’m expressive that way. The past couple of months was rough. I was in the dark, and tried my best to not crumble. I’ve learned it the hard way. Things have changed quite a bit on a personal level. I am way more bubbly now, more positive too I reckon, and I don’t cry over spilled milk anymore. It was incredibly hard to walk away from everything you know but the ‘all’ that I know feels a million miles away now.

Do you ever wonder how the mind can be a dangerous playground where it tricks you into believing what you want to believe in? So be careful with how you channel your thoughts, because they might screw up your judgement on reality. I’m pretty proud with the way I handled the break up, being painstakingly emotionless and I barely reacted. I had good faith that when one door closes, a new door would open up for me (wishful, I know). I believe that if you treat others right, and love with all your heart, only good can come out of that. I’m honestly blessed with some amazing people in my life at the moment. To have a strong support system works wonders and I’ve grown closer to my parents ever since. I am now in full control of myself, and no longer controlled (which is an amazing feeling btw). It felt a little weird at the start, because I was so numb, I couldn’t feel for anyone, as if all I had in me was emptiness.

Truth is, I believe that life is worth every risk you take. You only live once. YOLO! YOLO! I’ve lost people to freak accidents or cancer, and death really showcase you the bitter side of reality, where nothing in life is truly permanent. It makes you question the sort of power you have in your hands to exercise happiness, and how you may end up being your worse enemy by running away from it. That was me, for a while. This whole experience in rejecting the idea of love, or to be loved is fairly new to me. I’ve never had the will power to just take the bull by the horn, and face my fears. Well, life is all about conquering one fear at a time right? It makes you a winner when you find your way out of the dark tunnel. Fear and courage are brothers, remember? Take your pick, and choose wisely.

Maybe it is possible to trust again after two tormenting years of distrust. It is all a matter of taking that leap of faith. Come on, you only live once(gotta rub it in). Every individual that crosses your path is a part of your destiny. Nothing is ever, truly, accidental. They too, happen for a reason. And as for me, yesterday was a good wake up call that I can’t always expect things to go my way. Sometimes swimming against the current wears you out. Sometimes going with the flow leaves you aimless. So, decide. I’ve promised myself that I will never ever live life second guessing every decision I make because life is worth the risk. I’m a survivor and I will keep fighting till the day my dad tells me, no more shopping LOL.  I’m kidding. Fight for the future, and I can assure you that the reward from a victorious battle is priceless.

I will write my way to full recovery. Oh come on, I’ve inherited both my parents strongest genes. That’s how my parents lift me up whenever I feel defeated. Mum and Dad, I love you always.

“I could never hurt you the way you hurt me. Truth is, it pains me to know that you are consciously making these big decisions knowing that it’ll suck the life out of me to get over it. They say that love gives you strength, and how it is capable of bringing you up and tearing you down so effortlessly. Handing a gun over trusting that you will never pull the trigger, but you did. Over and over again. Look, I can’t change your mind or make you see the light through whatever dark tunnel you decide to crawl under. But if there is anyone in the world who will never put you in harms way, that would be me. And all I know now is that you will always put me in harms way even when most of your decisions are made based on your apparent predictions. Life is unpredictable so I reckon most of your predictions would probably go the other way. I’m never ever,ever gonna forgive you because what we had was so much more. You can lie to yourself for as long as you want, and the truth will always be ringing at the back of your mind. You know its true. Falling in love is not a choice.  To stay in love is. As of now, none of it is real in my memory. Good relationships are not just about the good times you share; they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end. Your biggest mistake? Truth is, you don’t really need someone to complete you,  you only need someone to accept you completely. There’s no right or wrong, perfect fit or misfits.  I can assure you, that my love, has always been unconditional. And the value to that, is now burned down to ashes. Let the little things go. People often fight over little things. We obsess over things that don’t really matter. We create resistance instead of letting things glide off us. Let the little things go, breathe, and move on to the important things. ..and at the end, so much of it turns out not to matter.”

And now, I’m gone, forever.